Opportunities and Challenges of self-expression in Indian context
Name: Sowmya Age: 25 yrs Sex: female
Environment: Young working woman (single) moved out from small town to work in a metro; staying with her elder sister and her friends in a shared apartment. As a person she is:
* calm and composed;
* a touch conservative in her dressing sense (no western outfits- not even office wears, only salwar-kameez) and
* soft spoken (not assertive)
She knows the difference between her and other girls staying with her; but she doesn’t want to go their way- donning a more modern outlook.
Worries: Adapting to the new ways of life in a metro, and a sense of fear of losing her identity and deep-rooted values. There is a sense of being left out, the diffidence of not belonging to the ecosystem. Ultimately, hurting her self-confidence and contributing to the stress-related issues. Further, there is an inhibition towards opening up to unknown people owing to misuse of trust.
Happies: Quality time with like-minded people where she can converse freely without thinking over what others might think of her. Keeping a separate identity for her, voicing over things she don’t like and being heard duly.
Opportunities:
* Emotional connect; “people move when their emotions are moved”- anonymous. Building an emotional bridge could be a good way to build bond which can go a long way.
* Solutions to stress-related issues faced by the young generation.
Question asked:
1. Problems faced while interacting with complete strangers
2. How one work around the problems to find a sense of belongingness with the group
Response#1
Some of us have difficulty communicating because we are shy, insecure or just feel that our communication skills are lacking. Sometimes we keep our mouths shut because we think that what we have to say won't make a difference anyway.
When we pretend to be or feel what we are not, we deny ourselves the enjoyment of who we really are. Many of us think that we have to say, or feel, or be something other than what we are. We say things that we don't mean, thinking that it is what others want to hear. We pretend to feel things that seem acceptable so that others will approve of us. In this way we hide our true selves, both from others and our own selves. We bury our light in the mire of pretense and 'trying to'.
Response#2
We may feel afraid to say what we want. Communication always has an element of risk. How will the other person or people receive what you are saying? What impression will you leave when you express your true feelings? If you negotiate an issue with someone, will you lose face or risk your position?
All forms of self-expression are "risky". We don't know exactly how others will respond. Yet when we are willing to take a risk, we find that new levels of intimacy can be achieved, problems can be solved, other perspectives can be found, and new ways of perceiving the world are open to us. So we just need to explore a bit more and consider yourself strong enough to handle the consequences. “Problems are never big, we make them big”
Response#3
We are used to expressing our wants, needs and desires in a particular way. But, we are not the same person always. As life brings us new experiences and situations demand change, is it logical to expect that the way we express ourselves remain the same? Logical answer is no, but human behaviour gives a positive response to that. That’s the problem.
Consider the parents of a child. As the child grows, the parents change the way they interact with the child as he or she matures. It's often easy for a parent to continue expressing themselves in the same way they have been used to. Yet a more mature child requires a more mature interaction with Mom and Dad.
Sometimes, circumstances require us to adapt to conditions or situations in ways that we wouldn't under normal conditions. For instance, during some sort of crisis or difficult transition we may accept things that we wouldn't put up with during a more normal time of our lives. If we have a lot of experience with exercising this ability to be adaptive, we may forget that sometimes it is appropriate to assert our will rather than change ourselves to fit a situation.
Response#4
Many times we found yourself in a new situation, convinced that we don't know how to handle it, only to find out that we did just fine by just being ourselves.
At any moment in life we have our self. Everything that we have experienced thus far in our life is the foundation for each subsequent moment. If we find us in a challenging situation, we can apply the talent and aptitude that we already have to successfully get ourselves through. If we can view our capabilities from a wider perspective, we may find that we are much more capable than we think.
Response#5
A simple question from her own experience- what is it about a pregnant woman that society can't help but comment? She gets mildly annoyed when asked about her due date (Do strangers really care?). She is even more bothered by those who will point out how she’s carrying (must be a boy) or comments on her navel being protruded.
It is definitely not okay for strangers to ask personal questions, or for acquaintances or friends to ask some of the questions they unfortunately do. No one should even presume that you are pregnant if you have not told them so; an insulting mistake has been made that way.
One needn't reply. A weak smile, or an offhand remark, such as "Not soon enough" will do. The cold announcement that you do not wish to discuss it sounds as if something is terribly wrong, and therefore arouses more curiosity. So, just get around things than taking it head-on.
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